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MetaCritic score: 37

The Godfather, Raging Bull, Dog Day Afternoon, Taxi Driver, Scent of a Woman, and Goodfellas. These are six of the reasons why, against my better judgment, I went to see Righteous Kill, a film that earned almost entirely scathing reviews. Al Pacino and Robert De Niro are legends. They’ve starred in many of my absolute favorite movies. So, even though they’ve dropped a few duds in the last several years, I’m willing to take a shot on almost anything they’re in. For those of you who don’t know much about Pacino and De Niro’s filmography, although they are given a lot of similar roles and are frequently mentioned in the same breath, they’ve only been in two movies together (The Godfather Pt. 2 and Heat) and shared the screen for a total of one scene. This is why, when I first heard about Righteous Kill several months ago when it was still in production, I was instantly excited; both men are getting up there in years and there was beginning to be some doubt as to whether we would ever get the opportunity to see them star in a movie side by side.

In Righteous Kill, Pacino and De Niro play Rooster and Turk, a pair of grizzled New York City police detectives. They’ve got 30+ years on the job and are getting close to retirement when one last major case falls into their laps. A serial killer is taking out the murderers, rapists, pimps, and pedophiles who have managed to avoid facing justice for their crimes. As a sort of calling card, the murderer has made a habit of leaving a four line poem justifying the murder at each of the crime scenes. As the body count rises and the pattern continues, the police become increasingly suspicious that the killer is one of their own. Specifically, the attention begins to fall on Turk. As the movie progresses, Turk and Rooster continue to work the case while, behind the scenes, another pair of cops are working to tie Turk to the killings. All of this builds toward a “shocking” twist ending which even the least astute viewers should be able to see coming from a mile away.

The flaws of Righteous Kill are numerous. First of all, the whole premise of the movie is tired and overdone. Aging cops trying to solve the last big case before they call it quits isn’t anything new. Neither is the idea of the vigilante killer. Still, the film could have been saved by a top notch script or great acting. Unfortunately for the film’s two stars, they aren’t given the dialogue or supporting cast to rescue this flop.

Any time 50 Cent (excuse me, Curtis Jackson) gets tapped for a speaking role, you know things aren’t going to turn out well. The bad rapper turned even worse actor plays a stereotypical club owner / drug dealer. He delivers his lines in a way that sounds so painfully forced and uncomfortable that it reminded me of Hillary Clinton’s first few half-hearted endorsements of Barack Obama after she dropped out of the Democratic presidential race. In addition, anyone who has the slightest hint of feminism in them will shudder at the horribly offensive role played by Carla Gugino. Gugino essentially serves as nothing other than the film’s obligatory sex object, a forensic analyst with a rape fantasy who apparently has a thing for men almost 30 years her senior. She turns in the kind of performance that would make Susan B. Anthony roll over in her grave.

In addition to the screenplay being horribly predictable and formulaic, the dialogue is totally flat. Pacino and De Niro both have an uncanny ability to deliver lines in such a memorable fashion that they stick with you for years. Somehow though, writer Russell Gewirtz, the mind behind the 2006 hit Inside Man, manages to produce an hour and 40 minutes of dialogue with almost nothing worth repeating.

I’d list the positives for Righteous Kill, but I don’t think any part of this film registers as anything above mediocre. Pacino and De Niro aren’t bad, but their performances are dragged down by the 10 ton anchor that is the rest of this work. If you’re like me, a big fan of both of these icons thinking that Righteous Kill can’t really be that bad, I implore you to take me at my word. Use the $7 you’d shell out going to the movies to go rent The Godfather Pt. 2 and start praying that Al and Bobby D get another chance to prove what they can do together on screen.

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